Sexual violence
Sexual violence is something that affects many layers of the psyche. Research has shown that rape survivors suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder to a high degree and long-term, compared to victims of other crimes. These hugely damaging consequences of rape are to be expected, given the specific nature of the trauma. I'm talking about a 'survivor' here because that's what it is, you survived this.
Rape is a physical, psychological and moral violation. Not to be forgotten also on the spiritual level of the person. In this event the mind shoots out of the body because the body is danger. Often the victim no longer feels complete because the spirit has, as it were, left the body.
The perpetrator wants to terrorize, dominate, humiliate and render his victim completely helpless. Rape and / or sexual violence is thus deliberately intended to cause psychological trauma. There is much more to tell about the culprit in this story. The perpetrator wants to have control over the situation or the person and thinks that he can use no other option that this unthinkable heavy action has enormous consequences for the victim. In the case of rape, the attack is actually intended as a sign of contempt for the autonomy and dignity of the victim.
The traumatic event thus destroys the belief that one can be oneself in relation to others.
You see shame and guilt living with every victim of sexual violence. Shame is a reaction to helplessness , to the violation of physical integrity, and to the humiliation suffered in the eyes of the other.
What you often see is the perpetrator doing everything in his power to avoid responsibility for his actions and forgetting about the crime
In order to evade responsibility for his crime, the perpetrator does everything in his power to promote forgetting. Secrecy and silence are his 1st line of defense. If it is not possible to keep the crime a secret, the perpetrator tries to damage the credibility of his victim, if that fails, he will make sure that no one is listening. (You also see this in toxic narcissistic relationships, by the way.) With this in mind, he often comes up with a series of impressive arguments, ranging from the bluntest denial to the best rationalizations. Followed by a "we just have to let the past rest". All this makes the victim think that even the most traumatic events should not be part of society's recognized reality, the experiences become ineffable. And the trauma and / or PTSD is growing.
The protective attitude of family, partners or friends may jeopardize the survivor's need to regain some autonomy. Family members sometimes decide to take steps themselves without carefully listening to the wishes of the survivor, who is rendered powerless as a result. As a result, the survivor hesitates to talk about it, not only because they are afraid of misunderstanding but also because they fear that the response of their loved ones will overshadow their own.
Regaining a sense of control is especially problematic in sexual relationships, there is almost always a disruption of their sexual pattern. In order to regain her own sexuality, the survivor must develop a sense of autonomy and control. A renewed sense of autonomy in connection with others and a renewed self-esteem. Realistic self-judgment diminishes the sense of humiliation and shame. In contrast, harsh criticism or naive, blind acceptance is a major contributor to the survivor blaming himself even more and isolating himself even more (Herman, 2015).
Heal and heal
The first task in the awareness process is to call a rape or assault that way. Iyanla Vanzant (well-known therapist from the US) also says; Call a thing, a thing. The survivor cannot pass judgment on her own conduct until she clearly sees that no act on her part relieves the attacker in any way from responsibility for his crime. It is necessary to mourn what has been lost. If this grieving process is not completed, the traumatic response continues. Unprocessed or incomplete grief can lead to stagnation and to remain trapped in the traumatic process. It is also important to know that you do not end up in isolation, it is only possible within the context of relationships. Reclaim your own power and feel connected with others. In this renewed connection, all abilities that have been damaged, stolen or distorted by the traumatic event are reacquired. These capacities lie in the areas of: Trust, autonomy, initiative, competence, identity and intimacy (E. Erikson) How they originally came about, they must also be rebuilt.
The healing process is a dynamic process, that is, with ups and downs. Every situation is different and every person is different. If you have any questions after reading this text? Then contact me.